Got this email from Amanda today... tired of forwarding things, so I thought I'd post it for yas :)

Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 this week. It seems like only yesterday that she was crawling round the White House on her hands and knees. 

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter."

Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks apiece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows.
I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And, if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator. 

My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for.. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing,then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring. But, it's hard to get that April Fresh scent out of your clothes. 

Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused in the morning.. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve. 

You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18% that say "I don't know," It costs 90 cents to call up and vote and they're voting "I don't know." Give me the phone. (Says into the phone) "I DON'T KNOW!" (Hangs up looking proud.) "Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about." This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95 to say, "I'm not in the mood."

My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes'. 'For Cripes sake,' Who would that be; Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'? 

My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.

Did you ever hear one of these corny positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is: "Share the love." BEEP "Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling....Speaking of being positive,your test results are back. Stop sharing the love.."

This weekend was soo awesome, Mark and I finally went to Halifax!! We went to the Casino, where mark won $540 on the slots and I won a meezly $35... haha but we split the money, so it all worked out for the better :)  We also visited Pacifico which I love!!!! I'd never been there before, since I was only 18 when I lived in Hali and I didn't have a fake id, so going this time made it all the better :)  Anyway, while we were at the club, I informed the bartender how to make a teddy bear (usually kamora and créme de bananes) but since they didn't have any kamora she made it with Baileys and it was the best drink I've ever had.........
 
We also went shopping at both the MicMac Mall and the Halifax Shopping Center... while over at Winners, we observed a kid riding in a motorized shopping cart being told that he couldn't do that. He immediately got out of the thing and walked up an aisle, shouting out to his friends sayin "GUYS, common' we gotta go, I got caught" haha he was a pretty cool lad....   There were LOTS of good sales at the halifax SC.... namely at AE... haha I bought 6 shirts and a skirt for $100...... that's pretty damn good for AE! Most of the shirts were from the discount rack (which is more up to date than the recent stock in moncton...) and my skirt was too cute not to get.. haha Once we got to Moncton on the way home, I bought another skirt just like the one I bought in Hali, only white instead of Jeans!

I can't wait to go again next summer :)